The iconic American poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote, “There is no grief like the grief that does not speak.” Many people suffer grief in silence. Also, many people turn to alcohol and substances as a way to manage their grief. While this may “work” to numb the pain for a while, it will eventually only make things worse. The good news is that there are solutions and healthier ways to manage grief.

Understanding Grief

Most people will experience grief in their lifetimes. It is a natural facet of life. Yet, many people have a difficult time defining what grief actually is.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “Grief is a response to loss, which can be caused by many things, such as the death of a loved one, losing a job, getting divorced or going through other major life changes… People who are grieving may experience complex emotions like feelings of helplessness or hopelessness, anger or sadness, numbness, or confusion. ” The CDC also advises that there may be changes to one’s mood, appetite, sleep patterns, and energy levels.

Grief and Substance Use Disorder

Many people turn to the use of alcohol or substances as a way to manage their feelings of grief. This is merely a temporary salve on one’s emotional wounds. Eventually, the substances wear off or stop “working” altogether, and the individual is left with the same emotions as when they started drinking or using.

Many people who begin to utilize substances as a coping mechanism for grief end up facing more serious issues like substance use disorder (SUD). According to the peer-reviewed journal Frontiers in Psychology, “Previous research has identified a link between the loss of a significant person, grief complications, and substance abuse. In addition, people with substance use disorders (SUD) often report personal losses in their life histories that make recovery difficult and are more vulnerable to report complications in bereavement after the loss of a significant individual.”

The Stages of Grief

It is now understood that grief happens in a series of predictable stages. Most people in the psychological and psychotherapeutic realm agree that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, it should be noted that some people also include shock and disbelief, searching and yearning, disorganization and repair, and rebuilding and healing.

#1. Denial

This is often the first predictable stage of grief as it is the first instinct that one feels when one receives the initial news of a loss. It is a defense mechanism that is used as a “shield” from information that feels too difficult to process. This is also the stage where many people turn to alcohol and substances as an unhealthy “fortification” of that shield.

#2. Anger

Now, anger is the reaction that one has when the reality of the situation begins to sink in. It is also where a lot of blame and skewed reasoning comes into play (unhealthy “finger-pointing”). This is the stage where many people begin to drink or use as a way to confront their loss rather than as a way to avoid it.

#3. Bargaining

This is the stage where an individual tries to take control of a situation by placing unreasonable demands on the situation. For example, it may look like reasoning with a Higher Power, such as “If you fix this, I promise to do that.” It is when these asks and/or demands go unfulfilled that many people’s drinking or using becomes accelerated.

#4. Depression

Now, depression is the stage of grief that many people feel on the most visceral level. The initial three stages may happen at an almost unconscious level, but depression can be very apparent and recognizable to both the individual and outside observers. These are observable symptoms of depression like sadness, tiredness, and not getting any joy out of life.

When it comes to the depression stage of grief, it is also important to first differentiate depression related to grief and potential pre-existing depression. They may need to be addressed in different manners. However, both types of depression have been linked to SUD.

#5. Acceptance

This is considered the “healthy” stage of grief. It is when one comes to terms with the reality of the situation and can accept and move forward. However, this stage is often missed if someone is using alcohol or substances as a coping mechanism for the other four stages.

Mourning the Loss of Addiction and the Addictive Lifestyle

Many people also go through the stages of grief when they choose to get sober and recover. They mourn the loss of their previous way of life, even though it was a life that caused complete chaos and destruction for themselves and others.

The good news is that with the right addiction care and recovery center, this period of morning will soon pass. This is when the “acceptance” stage can truly begin to be felt, and the reality of a life beyond one’s wildest dreams can begin to manifest.

Painted Desert Recovery: There Is a Solution

The English poet William Blake famously wrote, “Can I see another’s woe, and not be in sorrow too? Can I see another’s grief, and not seek for kind relief?” No one should suffer grief alone, and with help from the specialists and the community at Painted Desert Recovery, no one has to.

Many people who struggle with grief have lost an essential part of living well: the ability to love oneself. At Painted Desert Recovery, we are here to recover that love. We do so by loving them until they learn to love themselves once again.

Grief and substance use disorder often go hand in hand. However, there are healthier and safer ways to navigate grief and thus avoid many long-term side effects. For more information about how to manage grief and recover from addiction, please reach out to Painted Desert Recovery today at (844) 540-0353.